Hi, this is AnaInWonderland82 from MPA. I actually made an account on this website back in May 2014, the exact same day I made my first MPA account. My old MPA name was AliceAnaAlways too but I had deleted it to try to recover (big mistake). I later went back to MPA as AnaInWonderland82 but forgot all about this site as I had deleted all my pro-ana bookmarks. Recently on the SBD on MPA though I found a link somewhere to this site and the moment I saw it I recognized it and somehow remembered my old user and password. So here I am. I'm still kinda new since this site was just starting when I joined so I never really used it so even though my account is old I am new.
Anyway, a bit about me. About a year ago I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with an eating disorder on top of my previously diagnosed depression. My doctor never specified what kind of eating disorder so I assumed EDNOS, she isn't very specific about anything, and yes I have asked. About a few months after that she took away both of those diagnosis and came me borderline personality disorder as a diagnosis instead. Apparently my disordered eating as well as depressive periods are just side affects of my personality disorder. Either way I still believe I have EDNOS/OSFED no matter what she says. I'm currently in the process of switching doctors just because I dislike her disorganization. She never once gave me a proper diagnostic assessment. Also I have an appointment with the eating disorder clinic soon.
This all makes me sound very pro-recovery though when I am not. At all. I'm only desperate to go to the clinic and to get a new doctor to get my diagnosis back. A small part of me does want to recover but the bigger part is very much pro-ana and knows that I've tried to recover and it doesn't actually work so there's no point. It's either I work hard to loose weight or I hate my fat body forever.
My current weight is 109 pounds although the lowest I've been is 92. Highest was 115. I wouldn't really count the 92 as much though because I was barely even trying, I just got super depressed and had no appetite so it was easy. Ever since the binging has started the lowest I've ever been was 97 and that was HARD. I want to be 82. This is why I'm here. For help and support to push me forward towards my goals. If you're concerned about my health realize that gaining puts my health at more of a risk since I've been to the hospital 8 times now for suicide attempts/thoughts often caused by hating my body and not once have I been there for not eating enough. So helping me loose weight is actually better for my health than trying to make me recover again. If I had to describe my eating habits to you I'd say I'm about 60% binge eating disorder, 20% anorexic and 20% healthy/normal eating. These percentages change with time/my moods but have been like this for the past few months.
Sorry this was so long, I tend to always write way too much. This lets you know the basis of my life surrounding my disordered eating anyway. I would love to be friends with any of you. Feel free to add me on MPA or kik. Bye lovelies!
MPA: AnaInWonderland82
Tumblr: smallbonesandbutterflies
Kik: perfectwinterstorm
~♥
Anyway, a bit about me. About a year ago I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with an eating disorder on top of my previously diagnosed depression. My doctor never specified what kind of eating disorder so I assumed EDNOS, she isn't very specific about anything, and yes I have asked. About a few months after that she took away both of those diagnosis and came me borderline personality disorder as a diagnosis instead. Apparently my disordered eating as well as depressive periods are just side affects of my personality disorder. Either way I still believe I have EDNOS/OSFED no matter what she says. I'm currently in the process of switching doctors just because I dislike her disorganization. She never once gave me a proper diagnostic assessment. Also I have an appointment with the eating disorder clinic soon.
This all makes me sound very pro-recovery though when I am not. At all. I'm only desperate to go to the clinic and to get a new doctor to get my diagnosis back. A small part of me does want to recover but the bigger part is very much pro-ana and knows that I've tried to recover and it doesn't actually work so there's no point. It's either I work hard to loose weight or I hate my fat body forever.
My current weight is 109 pounds although the lowest I've been is 92. Highest was 115. I wouldn't really count the 92 as much though because I was barely even trying, I just got super depressed and had no appetite so it was easy. Ever since the binging has started the lowest I've ever been was 97 and that was HARD. I want to be 82. This is why I'm here. For help and support to push me forward towards my goals. If you're concerned about my health realize that gaining puts my health at more of a risk since I've been to the hospital 8 times now for suicide attempts/thoughts often caused by hating my body and not once have I been there for not eating enough. So helping me loose weight is actually better for my health than trying to make me recover again. If I had to describe my eating habits to you I'd say I'm about 60% binge eating disorder, 20% anorexic and 20% healthy/normal eating. These percentages change with time/my moods but have been like this for the past few months.
Sorry this was so long, I tend to always write way too much. This lets you know the basis of my life surrounding my disordered eating anyway. I would love to be friends with any of you. Feel free to add me on MPA or kik. Bye lovelies!
MPA: AnaInWonderland82
Tumblr: smallbonesandbutterflies
Kik: perfectwinterstorm
~♥
» Tell me all your pro-ana thoughts
» CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!
» How much would you like to lose for Christmas?
» Information about sharing tips
» Favorite pro ana tips?
» We need more activity on the forum
» Hey
» Kalan from MPA