Looking for friends

Hello everyone! I don't really know what to say about myself, since I don't know who I am anymore. I've been anorexic for 1,5 years. 3 months ago, my family forced me to recover and it was the worst thing in my life! I feel so miserable!   My personality changed so much, I don't know who is this girl anymore! Seems like I have to share my body with 3 people.1- beautiful, skinny anorexic girl, who loves bones, can easily fast, workouts a lot and never gives up, 2- ordinary girl,who is for healthy lifestyle, is confident and doesn't care what other people say or thing. 3- fat pig, who binges all day long and can't even purge or stop binging, who hates herself, is shy and doesn't have friends. So, as you can see, my life sucks. I've gained 38 pounds, I look disgusting and I tried to cut myself for 4 times, but unfortunately, I only scratched my skin. I feel like I need to choose who I want to be, because otherwise I will go mad. So, I've made a decision. I've been trying so hard not to become anorexic again and it ended up with binging, but I don't want to be fat! I don't care about my health anymore.Weight became more important, since even my family calls me fat. Seems like being anorexic is the only way for me to be happy. So, now I'm back to anorexia. I don't really care what are the consequences.  I will diet and workout till the end, no matter how hard it gets. I will be perfect again! One day, my family will notice how thin I am and I will tell them that it's all their fault and I will never stop!
Since I'm very lonely, I hope to find some friends here, so write me please!

Hello Lana! I'm sad to hear what you went through. Life becomes hard when faced with an identity crisis. Hopefully you find confidence and faith in yourself before your physical health declines too much. I and most others on here would be glad to be your friend and offer support. Hopefully you won't feel so lonely